


The Monsters we could have become

by ghostbutt



Category: Naruto
Genre: Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, everybody gets a happy end, fuck you Kishi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:28:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22591000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostbutt/pseuds/ghostbutt
Summary: The battle at the valley of the end is over. Sasuke and Naruto can't fight any more. So they don't. When Naruto hits a hard blow, Sasuke decides to give up and give the village one last chance. In the hospital, he meets an old acquaintance.He unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite. It tasted stale and loveless. They sat in silence for a few minutes, motionless and soundless except for occasional chewing noise and the soft whooshing of sand that accompanied Gaara wherever he went. Suddenly, the boy next to him spoke.“How do you do it? How do you just come back and be fine?”
Relationships: Gaara/Rock Lee, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 13
Kudos: 29





	1. The Boy from Suna

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by these lines from Father's Son that made me think: "Yes I will write Sasuke and Gaara bonding time now."  
> 
>
>> Maybe I'm just crazy or the devil got inside  
> But either way my soul is gone, and I'll end this all tonight  
> The one hand throws the whiskey, and the other throws the gun  
> As he cries out to the heavens, "I am not my father's son"
>> 
>> And I've bundled up all of these fears inside  
> And I've bottled up all of this pain  
> And no one or nothing can take this away  
> But I won't let it happen again
> 
>   
> 

A thirteen year old boy. What were they usually like, he wondered. What did they do, what did they think about, what did they focus on? He knew he wasn’t like them, hadn’t been like them, but he’d never known what he was supposed to be like. Although… although it probably wouldn’t have helped. Just knowing and seeing what you were supposed to be wasn’t enough to make you that person. That person, the happy, plucky thirteen year old boy could never exist without a happy, plucky twelve year old to precede him. And eleven, and ten, and on and on, normal didn’t just magically happen. He knew that. After all, he saw it almost every day in Sasuke Uchiha. 

Sasuke was staying in the same hospital as Lee and Naruto, only a few rooms down and he could see him pacing through the hallways every time he opened the door. He didn’t open the door much. It’s not like it would help Lee much, he thought. The boy was still sick and tired, slipping in and out of sleep for minutes at a time. He was in no state to talk to but Gaara had to talk to him. He couldn’t leave without talking to him. So as long as he had to stay in the hospital, he visited Lee, as much as he could, the whole day if need be, as long as he was there when he woke up, to tell him… 

Gaara sat up a little straighter after almost slipping out of his chair. He looked around the cold and empty room, the sanitary walls and stark white lighting that highlighted every crack and every stain in a sticky greenish yellow. It seemed like home to him. He had to go for a walk. Get food. He had some coins in his pocket and there was a lounge with a vending machine at the end of the hallway. Yes. He would get food. 

The room was empty, safe for a dark shape sitting on the couch facing the window. He didn’t acknowledge it and tried to be as quiet as possible. The sandwich hit the bottom of the machine with a low “thunk”. The hinges squeaked quietly. Gaara turned to leave.

“Gaara right?” the voice from the couch was dull and tired, but unmistakable. “Come over here, the view from this window is great.”

It was dark outside and the view was blocked by a tall building. Gaara sat down next to the boy on the couch. “Sasuke, right? Yes, the view is amazing this time of day.” 

He unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite. It tasted stale and loveless. They sat in silence for a few minutes, motionless and soundless except for occasional chewing noise and the soft whooshing of sand that accompanied Gaara wherever he went. Suddenly, the boy next to him spoke. 

“How do you do it? How do you just come back and be fine?” there was a soft tremble in his voice, now that he spoke louder it sounded even more hoarse and empty. Gaara knew that question. He knew it so very, very well. 

“I don’t know.” He answered, looking straight ahead into the darkness. “One bit at a time, maybe. Just try. Try so hard. Until you believe there is hope for you and then just keep trying. I think that’s what life is like. Trying to hope and then you die.”

Sasuke laughed, startling Gaara a bit. “Isn’t that kind of a bleak outlook on life for a guy that barely hit puberty?”

Gaara huffed. “Suppose. But what are you going to do, just run away from everybody that wants to love and help you?”

“WhAt ArE YoU GoiNg tO dO” Sasuke mimicked.

“Yes. Sorry. But I just mean,” he paused, “don’t you owe it to Naruto to at least try?”

“Naruto? Don’t be stupid, he definitely hates me now. I almost killed him.”

“But do you know that?” Gaara asked, tentatively. 

“Do I WHAT? I almost killed him!” 

“I don’t know… I think… Well, there are still people who care for me. I think. I used to not think about them, I used to think I was all on my own, but I’m not. I don’t have a lot of… I don’t have it all figured out, but I think I have something.” he stumbled through the sentences, trying to convey what little he knew: that sometimes, people could be redeemed and liked, because people weren’t just the demons inside them, even if they couldn’t get rid of that part. 

“But you changed so much!” Sasuke responded, still a bit shaky. 

“And you can’t?”

Silence. A deep breath. A mute, swallowed sob. Then nothing. They sat for a few minutes, time ticking by, looking out of the window into stark blackness and if any one heard the other cry, they must have had imagined it. 

“I don’t know.” Sasuke said, after a long, long while. “I don’t know if I can change. I don’t even know if I want to. All those things that happened, they didn’t go away just because somebody convinced me to ignore them for long enough to return. Those things will never go away. The things that made me who I am are never going to change.”

“But you’re not them.” Gaara replied, decidedly. “They are part of you, but you’re not them. We are not the monsters that made us. At least I hope that we aren’t.”

“Hm.” Sasuke sighed. “So it’s always just hoping? That’s all we get?” 

“Don’t know. Maybe not.”

-

‘So you can’t?’... the words echoed in Sasuke’s head long after Gaara had left. He hadn’t said much after that, ended the conversation by saying he didn’t know, but somehow Sasuke felt he knew so much more than he did. And he was angry. But that was nothing new. Just, this time, he didn’t know who he was angry at. 

Only that maybe, just maybe, he deserved to be. 

His arm and leg still ached painfully when he strained them, the cast would only be able to come off in a few days, despite the medi-nin doing the best they could. Slowly, he dragged himself back to his room. He passed Lee’s door, opened just a crack, and saw a small shape slumped together on the bedside chair. He’d long stopped wondering why Gaara was never in his own room. He never was, either. 

Then, he passed another door. This one was closed. A nurse stood in front of it, studying some charts on a clipboard. He hoped she wouldn’t notice him. She did.

“He asked for you again, today. Seems like he really wants to see you.” she said with a gentle smile. 

“I don’t think he does.”

He closed the door behind himself after entering his room. Absolutely nothing inside marked it as his, there were no personal belongings, not even clothes he could have had someone bring. After all, who would have taken it to him from the compound? Nobody was there, anymore, except for him. The room felt stuffy, suddenly. Sasuke opened a window to let in the cold night air and leaned on the frame. The hospital yard was empty, the lights behind the few lit windows filtered dimly through drawn curtains. Sasuke was completely alone. The full moon shone on a dark, lonely, world and Sasuke was completely alone. 

He didn’t close the window when he went to bed and hardly noticed falling asleep, but when he woke up it was freezing cold and a grey figure sat in the bedside chair, reading. 

“You know,” Kakashi said, “Naruto is leaving in a few days to train with Jiraiya. If you don’t talk to him now I can’t say when you will get the next chance.”

Sasuke shook his head and slid deeper under the blanket. 

Kakashi seemed to smile, just for a second, and then his eyes dulled and he closed his book. 

“Sometimes I forget just how young you are.”

-

Gaara woke up an instantly noticed something was different. Someone had draped a blanket over him, sort of awkwardly but definitely deliberately. Also, Lee was stiiting up. 

“Oh” was the only thing he managed to say. 

“Why are you here?” was the response. 

The dreaded question. Gaara didn’t have an answer to that, except maybe that something inside him told him he needed to be there, but he hadn’t exactly prepared a speech. It promptly hit him that the last time they had met in a hospital had gone wrong in every possible way and he wanted to be there even less. But it did give him a point to start with. 

“I am sorry for everything. I hope that, in time, you can forgive me. I was a monstrous person, especially to you and I am trying very hard to let that person die but I have to acknowledge the things I did and try to fix them.” Gaara spoke hastily, dumping out the words with hardly any consideration. 

Lee looked a bit perplexed. “That sounded a bit rehearsed. Is that what you tell all your almost- victims?” 

“No! I mean, technically - I mean, no. Well, you are the first.” He got up to leave, suddenly really not wanting to be here anymore, but Lee motioned him to stay. Even though every part of his body protested, he sat back down. 

“I believe you.” Lee said. “And I think I shall try to trust you, as far as I can. You may have threatened me, but you also saved me. Forgive me if it may take some time, though.” 

“There is nothing to forgive.” Gaara smiled, incredibly relieved. His siblings had taken his change of heart amazingly well, encouraging him and telling him, they would do their best to support him, but they were his siblings. He had been afraid of the things this person who meant so much to him could have said. Because Lee wasn’t a friend, but he did mean much. 

“It looks much better on you.” Lee pointed at his face. “That sort of smile. That is the smile of a person you want to be friends with. I like that smile.”

Gaara looked into the mirror. “Yes,” he replied, “yes, I think I like this, too.”

-

Obviously Lee was still afraid. He was scared shitless of that Monster from Sunagakure. But this boy wasn’t the monster that had attacked him. He had waited in Lee’s room, in the uncomfortable, tiny chair just to apologize to him. And he didn’t even look like the monster anymore! But some of that was probably still inside him and it scared Lee. But maybe, just maybe, the boy from Suna was just as scared of it as him. 

“Are you staying in the village?” Lee asked, tentatively.

“I am still under observation in the hospital,” the boy replied, “but after that we will probably leave. We have things to do… me any my siblings, I mean.” 

The sand siblings. Lee remembered them from the chunin exams. Fearless and intimidating and so, so strong. 

“Kankuro and Temari, right?” 

Gaara nodded.

“What are they like? Tell me!”

“Well,” Gaara began, slowly, “Temari is the eldest. She had to look after us so she really knows how to keep a situation under control. She is very clever. Kankuro is the middle child. He is… a bit odd, but very funny.” 

Lee laughed. “Like you get to call somebody odd.”

The boy seemed perplexed, at first, but then he did chuckle a bit. “You are probably right.”

-

Naruto was alone in his hospital room. He would be able to leave tomorrow and then Jiraiya would pick him up the day after. He hoped that maybe Sasuke would stop by today. He didn’t expect him to.


	2. The Boy from Konoha

On the first day of Summer, Naruto left Konohagakure. Sasuke hadn’t seen him since their fight. He didn’t think it would have gone well. For either of them. 

On the second day of Summer Sasuke got released from the hospital. His arm looked weird and pale and skinny, out of the cast. When he got out of the building, the streets were bustling with people enjoying the dry heat. None of them were there for him. None of them even acknowledged him. It was nice. He wondered what Kakashi and Sakura were doing. They probably weren’t too stoked on seeing him, either. 

He was hungry. There was no food left in his fridge. He’d taken the last of it with him when he decided to leave. So this was what he would do today. He wasn’t sure what he would do tomorrow, but at least today he had something to do here. There was too much day in a day when you were alone, he thought, but who else would have him right now? He huffed out a short breath and made his way to the nearest supermarket. The streets were cracked and dusty and the whirled up dirt in the air disguised the faces of passersby until they walked right by. Sasuke pretended, for a while, that he was in a strange city, that he had run away and was in a place where nobody knew him. Obviously the gods wouldn’t let him have nice things for long. 

“Sasuke!” 

The voice was female, young and so very loud. Ino. There was no point running when he was going to have to get along with these people forever now so he just let himself fall back in the stream of people and allowed the girl to reach him. 

“I heard you came back! Stayed? Stayed back?” She flipped her blonde bangs out of her face and flashed him a wide, perfect smile. “Thank god for that, else I would have had to kill you myself. Sakura wouldn’t have taken it well…”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “I thought you couldn’t stand Sakura.”

“Of course I can’t.” Ino failed to elaborate further. “So what are you doing in my neighborhood?”

“You don’t live anywhere close to here.” 

“And?” 

Sasuke sighed. “I’m going shopping. I have no food.” 

“Oh that’s great, I’m making dinner for some friends tonight, you have to come!” Ino clapped her hands in excitement and skipped ahead a few paces before turning around and grabbing Sasuke’s hand, pulling him along. 

“I don’t think that would be smart.” Sasuke tried to wrestle out of her vice grip but it was much harder than anticipated. 

Ino laughed. “Don’t be stupid. Even if they magically hated you now, you’d only make it worse, isolating yourself in your little sad boy castle.” 

He crossed his arms. “It’s not even about that.” 

“So why then?” 

Sasuke pouted. 

“Great, so it’s settled! You can come with me after shopping and help me set up!” 

He didn’t want to. Everything inside him wanted to pull him away from those people. He wanted to be home, safe, far away from whoever these people decided he was. But with girls like Ino, leaving was never even an option when they’d decided for you to stay. And she had decided for him to stay. So at least one person wanted him to be there. 

He nodded. Ino smiled. And then Sasuke Uchiha and Ino Yamanaka went food shopping like normal teenagers, preparing for a normal teenager party. 

-

“So he really came back…” the man with the ponytail sighed. “I’m glad. For a moment I thought we’d lost him.” 

“Me too.” The man in the mask replied. “But he’s back. I don’t know what your boy said but it seems like he’s trying to give it another shot.”

“He’s not my boy. I’m just a teacher.” The man said, with badly disguised fondness. 

“If he’s not your boy then I don’t know whose boy he is.” A thin smile shone through the mask. “And he’s lucky to have you. But Sasuke… “ He sighed.

“Why don’t you talk to him? You’re closer to him than anyone… at least anyone in the village right now.”

“Are you sure I should do that? I’m not exactly well equipped, emotionally.” He tugged a book out of his vest pocket. The cover, a garish green color, showed a man chasing after a young woman, both were smiling. He held it up to his face, half reading, half hiding. 

“I think,” the man with the ponytail gently pushed the book back down until the masked man’s eyes were visible again, “you should try. I think of all the adults in this village, at least you understand him. Maybe just invite him for dinner, show him you’re there for him and you’re not mad at him.”

“I can’t just copy your Naruto-wrangling techniques, Iruka. It’s a bit more serious than graffiti on the Third’s face.”

“Well, Kakashi, it’s better than nothing. And I promise, it works miracles.”

“I’m… “ Kakashi paused, then started over. “Sure. Fine. Thank you for your input.” 

-

“THIS IS FILTHY!” Sasuke yelled. He was lifting up a cushion while Ino was seemingly unfazed, puttering along in the kitchen. “Do you EVER? vacuum here?” 

“Vacuum?” Ino shouted back. “It’s in the closet next to the door.”

“Your selective hearing is amazing as always, Ino.” Sasuke grumbled, taking the rickety piece of machinery out and plugging it in. 

“Thank youuuu.” Ino replied sweetly, still working her magic in the kitchen while Sasuke was delegated cleaning duty. He had insisted that he was a good cook, probably better than Ino, but she had gracefully declined his help in the kitchen. Now he knew why. 

“Did you even clean anything before you went shopping or were you just hoping to find a poor soul to rope into this?” Sasuke pouted. 

“Yes.” Ino had finally finished and brought bowls and pots of food to the dining room.

“Yes to wha-”

The doorbell rang. 

“Ooooh I’ll get it!” Ino called out, running towards the door and opening it in a swift motion. “Hello, boys! I didn’t expect you to be this punctual.”

“See, I told you we’re early. “ A disgruntled Shikamaru told a disproportionately excited Chouji. 

“No we’re not. Somebody else is obviously already here. Look. “ Chouji pointed at Sasuke’s shoes in the hallway. “We’re not early, we’re on time.” 

“Yeah, whose are those anyways?” Shikamaru asked. 

“Oh, they're Sasuke’s.” Ino replied. 

Sasuke poked his head into the hallway to see two extremely surprised faces. Not negatively surprised. Just surprised. He made a mental note. 

“Hi.” He waved lamely and showed them inside, all while feeling extremely out of place. 

“Anyways,” Ino explained, “I made all the food but Sasuke helped me set up. Isn’t that neat?” 

After that the other guests started pouring in one by one. Kiba brought his dog. Hinata apologized for Shino, who had “important bug things” to do but would be there next time. Tenten brought Neji who seemed like he wanted to be anywhere but here (Sasuke could relate). Lee brought Gaara which, Sasuke discovered, made him want to be here a little more. And then Sakura arrived. 

She just stood in the doorway, staring at him. Not like she didn’t believe he was real, more like she wasn’t sure if she wanted him to be. 

“Hi, Sasuke.”

“Hi.” 

And that was it, she sat down at the other end of the table with Ino and Sasuke went back to his seat with The Boys. 

“I think that’s everybody!” Ino said. “Well, then dig in!” 

The food really was delicious, surpassing even Sasuke’s expectations, but at no point in the evening he felt like he could enjoy it. There were his classmates, still not sure about him, dropping the occasional awkward joke but avoiding his stare. There was Ino, suspiciously chipper, dragging him into conversations he really didn’t need to be a part of. And Sakura. He’d never really understood what Sakura’s deal was, but he felt like he’d done something horrible. And he needed to do something. But he didn’t know how…

“Sasuke, do you mind getting the dessert from the fridge?” Ino chirped. “It’s a bit much, though. Sakura, you brought something too, right? Go help the poor boy.”

As Sasuke slowly followed Sakura into the kitchen, he felt time slow down. They were alone now. He could talk to her. He had to do that now or he wouldn’t get another chance. He watched her grip the handle to the fridge. Open it. 

“I’m sorry I left you.” 

Sakura nodded. “I understand why you did it.”

“But you’re still mad at me.”

“Of course I’m mad at you! Your decision doesn’t magically turn into a good one just because it’s not fully demented!” Sakura’s face was turning red, her eyes awfully glassy. “Where would you have gone, huh? Just hide out until your brother walks by and you can let him kill you too?” 

“He wouldn’t get that far! Not after my training with Orochimaru!” Sasuke snapped back. 

“OROCHIMARU? ARE YOU INSANE? YOU WERE WILLING TO-” she choked up “you really would have gone to him? You would have stayed there rather than be with us?”

“This was never about you. Or me. It was just-” He tried to reach out to Sakura, but she pushed him away. 

“Revenge. Yes. I know. Only revenge, never anything, ANY GODDAMN THING BUT REVENGE!”

“I don’t really have anything else, Sakura. Not anymore.”

“Oh fuck you, Sasuke! You know full well that you have Naruto. You could've had me, too, but you never wanted that. You chose your shitty, lonely path and I for one won’t let you drag me down there with you anymore. You’re welcome to stay, always, but if you leave I won’t run after you anymore.” with one, aggressive motion she opened the fridge door, took out the desserts and left the kitchen, slamming the door behind her. 

And Sasuke was alone. 

And Sasuke left. 

Not very far, though, only to the roof of the building, where he sat very still and let everything fall away for a second. He didn’t want to isolate himself, but Sakura had been right, he’d done nothing but that ever since then. Life was just easier, alone.


End file.
